the confusion of clarity

all these feelings are overwhelming me
its as i was blind up until now
the vibrant greens; the blue and purple mist
how could i have missed this so many times before?
the contrast of the music thudding, pounding in my ears
and the metal between my lips, my lips;
my jaw clenching lightly
is nonexistant
is this sensation real?
how am i feeling this without the
help or assistance of things that have helped me before?
but now i awaken to reality
the screaming; terrible, angry, violent
it interrupts everything
by the time its ended im looking at flat scenery
not incredible like before;
not breathtaking like before.


i feel crazy; i feel like a crazy person. i cant untangle how i feel right now. her voice is whiny; it annoys me. this beauty surrounds me; its so clear. the clarity is unreal. im at a loss; a loss for what? im trying to find the exit to this maze; whats happening to me? this music, these sounds. lyrics, trees, nostalgia. i cant make sense of this. tires squeel. my spelling is off. thudding thudding. its caving in on me. i cant hear you i cant hear you i cant hear you. is this my life? where are they? the clouds arent real. they couldnt be. how could any of this? where why how who when. giant crosses in the sky. this is all so incomplete. whats eminem saying? i cant get this feeling back im scratching reaching climbing where is it going i need it back its flying soaring away come back come back! please i need you. now we're gliding back to the mainstream; the mainstreets. is this the same feeling or an impersonation? i cant find words i cant find my voice i cant i cant i cant i cant I CANT and now you're yelling so loud. the batterys dying dying dead dead DEAD. number on trees. numbers on these. my body is stiff; sore. overusing words. numbing, aching, throbbing. im overdressed; underdressed. is this what you expected?